Wednesday, October 14, 2009
One of those posts
So this has been one of those weeks where I have had lots running through my head. And writing it down helps me work it all out. Anyway, here goes....
So having Ainsley has been such a tremendous blessing to all of us. I never thought in my wildest dreams that we would have an infant in our house again. It really helps me to cherish every single second with her. It also makes me sad for our Charlotte. It makes me think about where she was when she was Ainsley's size. How her cries, most likely went unanswered most times. How she did not have a mommy, daddy, brother and sister to love on her, and give sweet kisses and hugs. It hurts my heart so much. It also makes me think about Charlotte's birth mother, and the pain she must have felt giving her up and that she probably still feels. I can't even imagine losing Ainsley at such a young age. But at the same time, I rejoice in the fact that we are the lucky ones. Lucky enough to have Charlotte, to be able to meet all of her needs now. To see the absolute love in her eyes for her new baby sister. She is just smitten with her. It is amazing and truly a miracle.
And secondly, can you guys pray for me. I am already struggling with going back to work. I know I still have 2 months at home, but it is already weighing on me. I just don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss a second with our sweet girl, or Charlotte and Ethan. It flies by so quickly and I know they will be leaving us before we know it. My one good babysitting lead, is probably not going to pan out, so that is stressing me as well. It just feels so weird to call someone you don't know to babysit your 3 month old. I am really struggling with this. So pray for us, for guidance and for acceptance about whatever the best decision is for our family. Even if it is a decision that I might now be that "thrilled" about.
And last, I am looking forward to meeting some of my bloggy friends at the AWAA Reunion this weekend. If you are going to be there, please leave me a comment so I will know to look for you!