Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hard Decision

Many of you that have read our blog for a while, know that Jay and I started the process to go back to China and adopt again before we knew about Ainsley.  And, even after we found out that I was pregnant we continued the process and were actually LID on 9/1/2009.  We knew we wanted time to pray, live life as a family of 5 and pray some more to see where God was leading our family.  This has not been an easy decision by any means.  We have gone back and forth so many times.  Sometimes me, sometimes Jay, sometimes both of us.  We both have such a heart for orphans, and have love to give.  We were actually in the middle of our home study update to update our I800 when we had to make a very difficult decision.  We knew God was showing us that the time was now to decide for sure if we were going back to China.  And for many reasons that I won't go into publically we have decided that for now our family is complete.  God showed us that we needed to get some other things in order before we are ready to bring home another baby.  Not saying it won't happen in the future, we will go where God leads but right now He wants us to focus on the 3 we have at home and on getting ourselves in order.  This has been the toughest decision we have made in our marriage.  It has been even tougher than deciding to go to China the first time, but since we contacted our agency and made everything final I have felt at peace with the decision.  I know God, has placed the world's orphans on my heart in a mighty way.  And we will continue to advocate and fight for all those left behind, that will not change.  And I think I will always feel like I left a little bit of my heart in China with those still longing for the love of a mommy and daddy.  But we have a very special little girl with us now, that needs all of the love and attention we can give her.  We are going to do just that.  We are going to pray for the 143 million orphans still waiting and we are going to get our family in line with God.  We are going to go where He leads, and are excited for what the future may hold.

5 comments:

Denise said...

Oh Carla, I totally understand. I struggle sometimes with wanting to go back, but not knowing if I can handle any more realistically right now. The fact that Jeff say s we are done pretty much has made it easier for me to let it go. It is individual for each family. There are many ways to help orphans. I know that this was a hard decision for you...hugs~

Jenn said...

I know how passionate you are about orphans and I cannot imagine having to make this decision either. I am so glad that you are at peace with the decision as it stands now. Who knows maybe oneday down the road you will go back to China or another place and adopt again. I wuld love to but for now we are waiting until HE says the time is right.
Love Ya-
Jenn

Dawn said...

Carla,

I so totally understand what you are going through. Our adoption journey has NOT been an easy one. Many, many times we had went back and forth in continuing or not due to a couple of considerations. My heart goes out to you. Please know that you are not letting anyone down. You have made a very hard decision with ALOT of thought, considerations, and I am sure, tears. You will know if and when it is time. Take care,

Hugs,

Dawn

Tina Michelle said...

That sounds like a tough decision but you did what was right for your family. Thanks for sharing with us. Know you did the right thing for you family. Nothing else matters.

Wife of the Pres. said...

Carla, thanks for your sweet email! Really blessed my heart.

I KNOW you and Jay did not come to this decision without much thought and prayer based on what part you did share with me.

I support you 100% friend. How can anyone question you all going or staying where God leads you?! We can't. I love how Denise said it: it is individual for each family.

Truth be told, I am secretly (OK now not) and selfishly thankful there are no more lists at agencies. I know that sounds awful, but I also know I'd be so tempted to look and our plate is FULL for now and maybe for good.

I have never felt so FULL and you know what, that is OK too.

All of that to say I get it and whether any of us do or not, you are doing what is right. Period.

And you are so BLESSED with your three! I know you know, but I love seeing those three together. What cuties they are!!!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}