Friday, May 2, 2008

Struggling....

So, I had hoped to post yesterday, but it just did not happen, so here goes. We have been struggling a little as of late. Charlotte is really not adjusting well to me going back to work and although it is only 3 days a week she is still having a difficult go of it. ANd as we are realizing her reaction to stress or sad emotions are not that of a typical 2 year old. And rightly so, as she did not have the same interactions and touch and love that most children in a home have. Not to fault the orphanage for that but it is a reality that she because of circumstances beyond anyone's control did not receive the same love and care that say Ethan did from us. Her first 16 months of life were a struggle, and she learned quickly that survival was up the her. She had to be strong and independent to survive. And unfortunately it is going to take lots of love and time to change all of that, to rebuild her little heart, like it talks about in the video below. It breaks our hearts to see her in pain, and to not be able to make a quick fix for her. We can't just pick her up give her a kiss and it is all better. So for those reasons we are having to adjust life a little and come up with a plan to help. We will work through it all I know. And we are so lucky to have wonderful family and friends at the ready to help and pray for us. I was also able to talk to the Social Worker at our agency and she had some wonderful suggestions and resources and helped me to realize that I should follow my gut. Even though I don't completely know Sha Sha yet and she does not trust me 100% we are definitely the closest and I need to follow my mommy instincts. So all this to say, keep praying for us, we will have many triumphs and some set backs in this process but that happens with our biological children as well. We will get through it all trusting in His perfect plan. I told a fellow adoptive mom friend that I thought all the stretching and growing in my life and faith was supposed to happen while we were "patiently" waiting for Charlotte. I did not think it would keep happening once she was here. But the journey has really only just begun. I will post some cute pics of Charlotte on her new slide later today. Love you all, Carla.

2 comments:

Carla said...

{hug} I so know what you mean. Even worse are the times when I have inflicted the pain unknowningly...she's coming up to me for the 1000th time wanting to be held...only to want down...only to want held...and I refuse to pick her JUST THAT INSTANT....to see her disappointment just hurts. Seeing her not trust me 100% yet is so hard, we're not far. However, I think those last little bits are going to be the toughest.

Teagues said...

Wow! Sitting here crying after watching the video...I may have to steal that in the future.
I will be praying for you and Charlotte. She is such a beautiful little girl! In your confident, secure love she will continue to move forward I am sure!
Sharon